This is why I can never get a new job

Not that I'm looking for a new job - I'm quite happy with the one I've got, especially the flexibility and the hours. No, the reason I can never get a new job is that I am a job interview virgin. That's right, never had a job interview in my life, ever. I've done plenty of jobs, just never been interviewed. In some cases that's been because I got the job through a temp agency - working at a cinema as an usherette was the best one of those, because it was while Pulp Fiction was on so I must have seen it about 40 times. Well, the first half up until John Travolta escorts Uma Thurman back to her house after nearly killing her and then saving her life, and he blows her a kiss - he was actually blowing a kiss to me as I left work, he just didn't know it.

In the case of one job, I went through a temp agency and was recruited to work in Westminster City Council's car parking division (off-street - far superior to on-street, donchaknow!) to replace someone who was on long term sick leave. And then she died. And I got the job. Hmm, not an ideal way to start a career! Luckily my dad's company was looking for researchers at that point so I ended up there. I'd done loads of work for them during university holidays so they knew me, and therefore didn't interview me. And I've been there ever since, although the business has since been acquired by a US company. I started in 1996, so it's been a fair while!

Anyway, I present below the real reason why I could never get another job. It's not that I'm frightened of job interviews, it's just that I'm frightened of job interviewers who might ask questions like these.....

• What was your best MacGyver moment? —Schlumberger
• How many tennis balls are in this room and why? —Yahoo!
• How would you move Mount Fuji? —Microsoft
• What should it cost to rent Central Park for commercial purposes? —Bain & Co.
• If I put you in a sealed room with a phone that had no dial tone, how would you fix it? —Apple
• How would you sell me eggnog in Florida in the summer? —Expedia

It's a tough market out there, boys and girls!